Posts tagged names

Is your name Gertrude, or Bo? How about Oliver? If so, chances are your parents are secretly hating themselves, like seriously, kicking themselves in the face, for naming you a name of such atrocity.

A recent online survey from some website called Gurgle.com (go figure) is claiming that a purported 54% of parents are regretting their chosen names for their children.

How sweet of them!

How would you like to wake up to that birthday card..

Dearest Allegra,

It’s been amazing watching you grow these last 17 years, and I am honored to call you my child. We have so much faith and trust in your future plans, and believe you can do whatever you set your mind to. On a lighter note, your father and I don’t like your name at all. We hate it. It’s too fucking weird. We should have just went with Jessica. Oh well..

Happy Birthday sweetie!

Joy oh joy!

The U.K-based website Gurgle surveyed 1,000 moms and dads (or mums and duds as they’d say) and came to find that a majority of the parents had wished for an alternative name. And if they could rewind the hands of time, they so would.

Of the survey-taking indecisive guardians, about 26% of them said that the name they had selected, or mistakenly forever branded their child with as I like to put it, had become too “popular.” Along with that, just about half of them (49%) revealed that they felt the name just didn’t suit the child’s personality.

I mean, let’s look at an example here. You can’t name your Star Trek-loving, nerdy Sasquatch-of-a-son Johnny, because it just wouldn’t fit. Johnny is the name of a badass or a mischievous fuck, not some dweeb who counts stamps. Everything needs to align correctly.

It’s all about longevity here, folks. You can’t be selfish and name your kid some weird, abstract name that you read in People magazine (Enter: Suri Cruise), you have to take the child into consideration too. You’re going to feel like shit when that kid comes home after a day’s worth of getting egged, all because the chums at school don’t like his/her name.

But, on another note, that aforementioned survey was also taken by parents in England, not the U.S. Now, the Brits don’t stray too far from us, so there could be some sort of plausible reason why they might have such regret for such a paramount concept.

Who the fuck knows. I certainly don’t. But what I do know, is that when naming your kid, don’t do it drunk or high. And if you do end up not liking it, well, then go ahead and get it changed, just make sure the child hasn’t learned it yet. Problem solved.

Cheers to procreation!

[Huff Po] [image via]